Accidents Happen

As my mother likes to remind me about once a month, I was never having kids. They are disgusting, expensive, and so annoying. Not interested. I was a married, young professional with dual income and low expenses. I drank red wine with my friends on nights I stayed home (still do, if you count paw patrol action figures as my friends).  I loved happy hours and reading in coffee shops. I had just bought my beautiful century home within walking distance of the beach. And who needs kids anyway.  I don’t need a baby to validate my life. I’m doing great. And another thing... the world is over populated as is, the environmental studies degree I cling to from my fancy liberal arts college beat that fact into my zine reading, tea sipping -hipster brain for 4 years. Kids? Nope, not for me. I’m good.

Then the strip turned pink. Well, shit. The husband and I starred dumbfounded for a minute, waiting for the other to speak first. I’m not going to say it was the immediate decision, but we decided this was our next step. We were going to be parents. We WERE parents. From that moment forward, we watched the perpetual un-doing, and re-doing of our world. Two kids later, we moved to the burbs, pay our taxes, and spend Sundays doing laundry and trying to pick playdough out of the carpet. Hell, last week we even met with a financial planner. #adulting. Though I will not buy a minivan. This is my last stand. I will just pile the stroller, diaper bag, toys, and all the other shit I have to take everywhere I go, on the husbands lap until Donald Trump pries the keys to my Matrix from my cold dead fingers.  

Our son is now three, and our baby girl, 20 months, are they are the little dictators of our lives. We ebb and flow with the tides of parenthood. It is the most exhausting, messy, and joyful learning experience. The days with no sleep and screaming make it hard. But when the last thing they whisper to you before falling asleep is “I love you mom” it burns in your heart the kind of love not even Shakespeare could verbalize.  

I will be clear: I do not know what I am talking about.  I am like any other mom. I ask other moms a lot of questions. I google a lot (how to get a baby to stop biting you?). And above all else, I wing it.  But one thing I have learned, is us moms are not alone. We a millions strong. We are a community with a common goal: Keep our babies alive, and keep our sanity while doing it. So, this is my plunge into blogging. I am sharing my experience in momming. Is it a bit self-serving? Sure. I said I was trying to keep my sanity. But I can honestly say I have learned a few things along the way (a sock on a door knob can save your toddlers life….more on that later). I will clarify, if you are looking for the DIY mom, that’s not me. You know, the mom making mini-heart shaped pie pops for the kids to take to daycare on valentine’s day. Though I did try to use a baby wipe as a coffee filter once…

So I hope you can learn something, and if I teach you nothing else from my experience, you have to laugh, or you will never make it out alive.